She knew it was wrong, wrong for so many different reasons—but there was that pulse in the back of her mind that told her to ignore those reasons, and to seek happiness of any kind. Through all the bad of your current life, whispered that devilish voice, allow yourself a secret escape.
The reasons of wrongness...She had always considered herself to be a lesbian, in the first place. Now, she assumed she just liked both male and female, with a lean towards women, having only been attracted now to a single man. That wasn't the largest issue at hand, not the biggest concern, just something more to accept about herself.
It got much worse that confusion over sexuality. The man was the cousin of Catilyn's husband. How much had she already done to help tear apart the family, only to now lead him into a web that could only possibly hurt him in the end? That was were it got even worse, where the offenses began to pile.
He didn't even know her true name. He spoke to her of love, beauty, grace...And each compliment came to the wrong name. She had lied so much, nearly everything about herself: name, occupation, her feud with Cat—but yet, she'd feel the lies were worth it, to be held in his inviting embrace, his warm heart extended to hers, wishing her only confidence, happiness, and good will.
But it would, of course, only become worse. Zurich was not a woman who had room to be with Hecturn, for she had already given her heart to another. She was already with Amerry, and though the twin had taken an unexpected leave of absence...It was not right to go behind her back and kiss a man, to lead him on and rise his hopes; to let her own heart waver and begin building attraction, it was nothing short of right.
But what did it all matter...That when she would sight him, and nearly no matter what event may have been happening moments before, she'd feel happiness leap in her heart, and allow herself to forget of Indigination. Why think of the future, when both their hearts would break and she'd only be dug deeper in tensions...When she could enjoy the moment, and find some peace amongst the death and destruction.
