And finally the day was closer. I was so nervous... I had to do so many things before the travel to Rohan, and I trusted Rothrian, Caithrin and Lenfor could help me with the company in my absence. And suddenly everything happened, without any time to assimilate the facts. I´m not sure in what moment... Roth and me didn't understand one to each other... in what moment she started to hate me. I guess we were in a bad moment at the same time, I needed her support and she needed mine, but we just didn't see it. when I saw it... Roth had started to hate me enough to insult Klauss when he tried to fix the things in his own. I think that ended for breaking it.
And Cait... well I guess she felt pressured for everyone around her, maybe cause when we are not looking after her, she is always depressed, ill, or with people trying to attacking her or hurting her. Something had to be broken in her mind to say I am controlling Klauss when he is the one who taught me how I had to think, and that he only had got eyes for me when he moved on away from me with her.
I guess people see only me cause I am the one who puts always the face to be hit. The bad thing when someone does this is that receives the punch for both sides. Cause they never accept their responsibilities and I use to accept them all. People love me or hate me, I don't have a half point.
Anadryt told me, "love... you can´t fix everything!". Maybe he is right, maybe I can´t do it... I couldn't do it with my mother, why I am going to do it with anothers...? Just hurts me when I see the people I love suffering for their own mistakes. It´s frustrating watching how they break their selves and again and again and I can´t do anything for them. I am a damned healer!!! I was educated for healing wounds and I am a fucking soldier!! I was educated for acting!!
That is the kind of friend I am, I give everything for you and I don't have pretty words if I think you are wrong. If you want it fine, If you don't, I can´t do anything to avoid it. I am sorry if I am hard but If I am wrong... then why I am happy with my life, with my husband and with myself and you are not? What I am trying to say is... I want all my fucking friends were happy like me! I don't think is a bad wish...
But then Anadryt comes, strokes sweetly my face and says: "but they are not you" and... he is so fucking right! I hate when he is right. "they just need you to stay there and listen to them and smiles" Aha... what kind of shit is that?? "fine when they need a truly friend is the time to talk to me".
But yeah, i got it... I guess it´s the time to leave the people around me heal their own wounds and ignore them when people call me for a help they are not ready to accept. Accept it Rhia, you can´t heal the wounds of a soul. You still didn't find that remedy. Well you find it for yourself... but... you are a healer, you know like me... every body is different... that is the trick... everyone is different... they don't have to be like you. They are not happy being them, but they can´t be happy being you. That is your big mistake, now is time to start again and fixing that. And a new challenge has come. Enjoy it!!
