My loved Anadryt,
I don't know where you are... your body is here, but you are not. I wanted to talk to you, but you only run away from me since you came, I don't know why. I watch you in the distance telling for myself that one day I will leave being invisible for you, but I don't know if that will happen again. It wasn´t fair me to beg you for a kiss, for a word of love and instead of giving it to me you started to play music like if I was not there. It wasn´t respectful when you showed your body in front of those women, it wasn´t respectful when you drool cause Ynel was flirting with you, it wasn´t fair that you joke with something so important like honor in the middle of the Inn telling me that if you love me is cause sometimes I am not a lady, that my rules are not so important. If you didn't want a lady, why did you marry me?. You could have the woman you wanted, why me then?
I told you once and I will tell you again, my rules are to honor my family, your honor. It should be your pride. My rules are my effort, my virtue, my gift for you, my way of giving to you my love and my soul, but if they are not so important for you, if you can´t see the value of my gift... then I don't know what i am doing.
I had nothing in Rohan, but you needed to go, and I went too, I fought beside you for giving you strenght, I lied, I broke my rules, everything I was to be with you; I disobeyed the orders, accepting Buliwyf excuse to bring you back of that cave cause I felt my soul dying knowing I could lose you; I was discovered and dishonored cause i needed to touch your hand.
Can´t you see that I gave all for you...? can you see I wish it would be me who was tortured there, that I blame myself every night cause I couldn´t avoid that? (here the ink is blotted). That is the woman you are ignoring, not a soldier, a lady doing everything she can to protect her family, begging for your love one more time.
I want my husband back, I want that man honorable that respected me, that loved me for everything I was and that told me , "I wish to be everything for you", cause now he is everything for me and it´s not enough, never is enough.
But if you tell me that man died in that cave, I will learnt to love this one again cause that is my duty and the word I gave to you.
But be aware of something: if he looks at me with coldness, if under his smile is hiding anger, if he doesn't talk to me, if he doesn't kiss me, if he doesn´t stroke my face when I look at him with love, if he only uses me to warm his bed like if i was a whore, instead to use me to warm his soul as his wife, then he is not my husband, nor a man, he is another thing that scares me, cause I have no weapons, no armour this time... and I need you to come back to protect me from him.
Rhia.
(This is the letter Rhia wrote to his husband Anadryt several days after he came back from Rohan).
