I came back today. I am easy. I had not too much time to think while I was in Gondor, but I had enough time to do it in the travel. If I don’t relax myself I am not going to end well.
I see Rick and Bryse… always nervous every time something happens to them… and always screaming at me cause they can´t relax… well… they use me to relax indeed… It seems I am the only one who handles their bad temper… another one would have sent them to a very uncomfortable place a long time ago… why I don’t do it? Cause I have got the horrible custom of value the people for the heart and the heart of this two is big. I am glad they don’t have got my life. Talking with murderers, thieves, trying to take them to the light, trying to get the information we need everyday, following orders, being threatened every two or three months for a different guild of murderers, hiding this part of myself, showing them only the part of me being the silly lady with dresses, who plays to be a soldier. And after all this… going out when the mission is done and trying to have a normal life.
And then when I felt falling again… Dumnorix, a man that I just met… told me the words I needed to heard, “a whole dark room can be enlightened with a very little light” “a heart so noble doesn’t seem natural”. And at the end all his good words were for me… he was telling me… don’t stop doing what you do, maybe they can´t see it but that kind of people are needed in this world. And he gave me my answer with that, I helped to him to find a solution with his family, at the end it´s just money, I could spend the money of my marriadge portion in another thing… but why don’t spend it in avoid a family of having hanger?
I really thought my heart was not going to jump when I saw Anadryt coming into the Inn. It was difficult for me to talk but we did it and I could see hope. Dumnorix was right, only a very little light can enlighten a whole dark room. Finally I could understand him, maybe cause now for first time, he talked to the soldier and not the woman. Now it´s me who have to answer in the right way to the great man my husband has become. Tomorrow I will come back to his house to attend him in whatever he could need. But tonight i am alone in my bed, feeling in peace finally after several months of pain, tonight I feel i can sleep.
