I may not lose my leg after all.
I found Miss Cesistya, the elf woman, in the Prancing Pony night before last. Thank goodness Master Maurr were there with me or I might not have found the courage to speak to her. He stayed there the whole time, even coming with us to a room in the back of the inn so that Miss Cesistya might look at my leg. I tried not to stare at her, and I hope I succeeded, but she were such a curious looking thing, and that’s the closest I’ve ever been to one of the elf-folk. I wish Pa and Ma were still here, so I could tell them about it! I don’t know if they have witch-magic or not, but she were terrible kind and gentle, and I couldn’t help but feel at ease whenever she looked at me or spoke. Master Maurr stood at the door like a sent sente a guard and gave us privacy, though I could tell he heard everything. When it was all done and he turned around, his face were dark and worried, though I think there’s thoughts going on in his head that he doesn’t say aloud.
Miss Cesistya said she believes she may be able to remove the lump with a surgery, and said I shouldn’t worry about losing the leg, even though it’s a possibility in the end. I were so overwhelmed with relief just to hear that there were hope, it were all I could do not to cry. I’ve been laying awake at night for fear of what might happen to me, and how my life could just come all apart at the seams if I couldn’t walk anymore at all, or if someone tried to cut my leg off and something went wrong and I just never woke up at all. It were suggested that we might use Mister Dimheim’s barbershop for the surgery, and since I live right across from it and I were on my way home, I said I’d ask him about it.
That’s when things got odd.
I put a note in his post-box to pay me a visit when he had a moment, then I went home to rest. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to find a note from him at the door, that he’d been by but I weren’t there. I don’t remember hearing a knock or anything. But I put on my shawl anyway and went over to the Soothery. I told him Miss Cesistya’s idea, and he were about as cold as a block of ice. Why, he said. Let her ask me herself, he said. Go home, he said. I’ve never seen him so rude before. I didn’t know how to answer, so I just apologized and turned right back around and left.
I had the courier take a letter to Bree that afternoon for Miss Cesistya, to see what she might want to do next, as I were at a loss. I got the reply around suppertime. She seemed understanding and not at all put out by what seemed like a pretty big hurdle to me. She laid out some other thoughts and ideas and folk she knows who would be willing to help. I had suggested Mister Doc and she said he would be welcome to come assist, and I know I’d feel better if someone I know were there. I were surprised that Miss Cesistya said I might be able to be brought home the same day as she does the surgery, and resting in my own bed instead of a strange place sounds good. I’m still terrified of the whole idea, but I can’t run from it, and sticking my head in the dirt to hide won’t change anything.
Jerry came by later in the evening for a visit. I hadn’t seen him in a while and it were good to have him! He took some tea and we shared some leftover rabbit stew that I had made. He complimented my blue dress and gave me his gap-toothed smile, and in spite of how worried and anxious I am about my leg, I blushed. I asked after Missus Hopmead, since he sees her more than I do now, and he said she were fine and busy with the family and the children and keeping everyone warm and fed. I need to go pay her a visit soon, but...the leg will have to be first.
I couldn’t sleep again last night. I weren’t completely hopeless feeling anymore, but even with the hope that Miss Cesistya offered, my mind were just too full for sleeping. Mister Aeru came and found me by the bridge and sat with me a while. He’s such a curious fellow. He’s so calm and quiet and something about that seems to make me feel free to be just the opposite, and I find myself confiding in him about the things that bother me. And I know it’s foolish to do that because I know he goes right back to the Soothery and tells it all to Mister Dimheim. I know he were the reason that Mister Dimheim said wrongly that I were saying poorly things about him to people. I weren’t. I shared my own hurt and my disappointment with Mister Aeru in a private conversation, and there’s nothing wrong with folk saying they been disappointed in someone. He were wrong to go and tell it when it were told to him in private. I told him it weren’t right for a doctor to leave his patients without a word and disappear to who knows where, and I’m not wrong about that. And I thought that Mister Dimheim were my friend, at least in some small way, and friends don’t just vanish without saying something. But I guess that, along with the way he’s been behaving to me, is the slap in the face that I needed to stop believing I were ever his friend.
Mister Aeru is a strange fellow at times, but he said some things last night that were so full of understanding that he surprised me. And it made me feel better. He said I should find someone else to be my doctor, and at first that sounded wrong, but after I thought on it a bit, I realized he were right. Not all doctors are warm and comfy types, I know that. But you need to be able to trust them at least. Maybe it were my own fault for being so trusting so easily.
Now it's past midnight and I still need to write Miss Cesistya back. The sooner we get this thing arranged, the better I'll feel.
