Honestly, where has Amathlan's mind fled to?
Just a day past, he had been thanking me for my never-ending patience and smiling at my stories. I thought his heart might be healing....
Obviously it was all a ruse. His heart is broken and anger has filled the emptiness inside. The sharp way his words came out of his mouth, was shocking to say the least. He was going on and on about death, glory and ruin. The only time I have seen someone in such a state of anger was when....well I shall not dwell in the past. I must focus on Amathlan at the moment.
I have never seen him like this. My worry has increased ten-fold, along with my anger. I have been most patient and understanding of his feelings. His sister has died, who would not feel so angry?
But my ire has begun to rise. I am absolutely sick of him blaming himself and thinking he will be okay on his own. Will he never let me in? I understand his anger well enough, but not when it is directed at me.
As we spoke, Amathlan said he would be leaving on the morrow. What that means and where he intends to go is beyond me. I told him the way he is acting is not like him and I would not watch and see him destroy himself. And his reply? 'Then don't watch.'
Oh he is in for the shock of his life if he thinks I will turn away and leave him be. I will NOT lose him to Mandos' halls like all others I have loved before. I will follow him, to death and destruction perhaps. But I told him he would have to fling me off of the cliffs of Mount Doom himself if he did not want me there.
I am so angry, my hands are shaking. Perhaps it is best if I put my journal down. Writing about this will only make me more annoyed.
