Found:
I felt better, if unbelievably tired. I am exhausted now, physically and emotionally. These things are not as easy as they used to be, though whether that's because of the changes in me or the sheer scale of the emotions involved, I cannot be certain. Perhaps a mixture of both.
For a while, I just sat silent in the grass. To the south lay Trestlebridge and, beyond it, promises to be kept. To the north and east, however...
I didn't want to go back, I must admit. It wasn't because of the promises or the people. I didn't want to go back to Bree. How many years have I languished there now? How many times have I returned to that place? It's like a death trap. It's always there waiting to suck me back in no matter how many times I walk away. It's so.... static, unchanging.
Meanwhile, out there are places that I've never seen, horizons that I've yet to cross! How I longed to go find one! I know that my back and hip may prove problematic in the long run, but wouldn't it be worth it? And with the possibility of healing...
I returned to Trestlebridge all the same. I was dithering by the fountain, knowing that I should return but still not really wanting to, when a face I'd not seen in many a year reintroduced himself. Jorvir. I only met him the once before, and it took me a while to place him, and he me it seemed. He's looking better now, though whatever illness plagued him back then is not entirely gone.
When he asked when I was leaving, I felt compelled to say then. A part of me knows that I should have stayed, should have rested, then we may have traveled back together. But the larger part knew that if I had stayed, I'd have ended up walking back across the Trestlespan when it came time to depart.
So, I came back alone. I considered going to the Pony, for company would have been welcome but upon arrival... the walls of the town seemed to press in around me. I felt stifled by all the buildings, suffocated by that bloody hedge. If that's how I felt outside, how much worse would it have been indoors with a roof and no natural daylight?
I stayed outside upon the fountain watching a group of musicians play. Even that became too much in the end, too noisy, so I left again in search of a place to rest.
Ry found me there sometime later. I was glad to see him and he seemed to be in quite a good mood. Alas, he opted not to stay. He seemed quite put out that I had not had a chance to test the theory on my nightmares yet, but it couldn't be helped. I'll find out over the next few nights instead. I know that it's important to him and goodness knows I could use the sleep!
One thing has become obvious to me at least; I can't just sit and idle anymore. I need to be out in the world again. I need to see new places, and perhaps even old ones with fresh eyes. I need to get out of Bree and Evendim and this painfully narrow path that I have walked for far too long.
It's all out there waiting.
